Monday, August 02, 2004
came back early todae. decided not to stay in the red cross room and slack after national day rehearsal but to cum home cos i onli can tink of 3 consequences of me if i stay in the room. 1) i expload and start to scream at sumburdie. 2) i break down and cry. 3) i died of anger and/or disappointment. so i took the chance to leave when shing was leaving. then we shared sum tots on the way. i agreed in a sense.. both of us are very confused. why did we do all these nonsense for? are we gg to continue with this..? this isn't a easy route.. no matter what..
haix. why dun i just say tat i seriously feel tat my morale is very very low... which reminds me of ulp camp. the happy memories. we were told tat if we cheered frm the bottom of our hearts.. our morale wld be boosted. and it turns out to be true.. our morale did boosted when eryone of us did cheer our hearts out.. okayy. i shldn't put my meomories here. i hafta accept tat ulp haf become history.. we will neva haf a camp together agn. but wad ulp left me is prob memories.. skills and most imptly.. frens.. but i dunno why. i neva felt tat my morale was so low before at all in the whole of my 2years and 6 mths..
sum ppl who know me really well will know tat i rarely show my upset self in front of other ppl.. sigh.. it's jus tat a habit i got into la. lke.. never show tat u r tire no matter how tire u are.. i belive tis is so when i am upset too. anw, it's not much good anw to affect others. i myself feelin terrible is already enuff. i won wan others to feel terrible too..
i miss alot of tings actually. i miss my freedom. i miss my piano a lot alot.. i dun lke to be duty bond. the fact tat i hafta spend my b'dae on national dae rehearsal and maths test is already bad..and i can't understand why mus ppl criticise sumone when she has done qte alot her best to help.. what's wrong with this world?i feel bu zhi for mich lolx. but to tink of it.. i agree with huiling la. noone cares. noone appreciates. so why bother? sum1 told me try not to dun care.. but try to care as less as possible. but the pt is once i am in it.. i'm dead.. owells. i feel tat i am in a monster's cluches. no matter how hard i try to free myself.. i can't.. ):
fell in love at16:50
