//s.p.i.l.l.e.d [-dreams-]

Friday, October 22, 2004

do what you all like. i admit defeat.

i seriously dun care if low bp is going to cause stroke or wad or blah blah. i admit defeat totally okay? i dun care about anything now. rubbishly today physics was okay. and i was so looking forward to maths. but things just dun work my way. sort of went into shock or some kind of not enuff oxygen dat kind of respiratory problems AGAIN. and i dun even hve de blardee energy during de test to tell de teacher. so i just put aside my maths paper [sort of] and kept telling myself not to fall unconscious. wdv. well. i din fell unconscious lol [i think] but de tcher only realise after de whole paper. when huishan and charrisa told her. wadava. anw. i did barely half de paper. going to fail. i'm going to fail english. fail bio. fail history. wadava.

then like de heart was hurting like shit. but well. its true. wad can dey do about it cus seriously dey are not doctors. i dun really care lah, i don't care if i died. was suppose to hve medical apptment with constance at 2.30. budden my heart din really feel good so postponed to 3.30. partly cus i wanted to be wth de class abit longer more. then at near 3. still din feel good and partly cus i dun wan to see her anymore anw.

nah. anw. having class cleanup. the class was in a messs. well. as i was not feeling very good. so i sat down after busy-ing a while. i felt like breaking down then u know. i was in tears then. but he came over. and ask. wasn't i going to de wdv? den i was lke yah, but later now. but actly thanks to him lah. if not i would hve broken down. altho he din know it. cus i din wan him to see me in tears anymore. wdv lah. was screaming at de class to listen jus now. and guess wad. i realise dat when i shout. my hearts hurt even more. wdv lol. but de crappo thing to really prevent this thing is like to be more active. as in when my low bp came about. shall explain it here then. my bp was always low. just dat i was prob quite active. so therefore not affected by it. but i guess. after so much crap. i was verymuch affected by it without me myself knowing and resulting in so much crap now. anw. haha i playing for netball carn. YAY!!

not dat i feeling very good now. but seriously who cares. was facing beatrice just now [my niece]. believe it or not. if she wasnt dere. i would hve broke down. cus she still so young..[haven 3yrsold yet] later scare her. sigh. and i couldn't chase her away either. believe me. i feel like crumbling. i do not know why but i feel worse than de so called period when i was in "depression". owells.

heh. i wonder. what impression do i give others in de past? someone asked me. do you prefer de old you or de new you now. if u like de new you now. go on with life. but if u dun. go back to yourself. well. i dun even know what is me. okayy. dun ask me now. but i think the attitude i gave candy today was really scary. hmm. or make it sound this way. i dun feel dat it is scary but afterwards i could sense dat she was scared. sigh. i dunno lah. i dunno anything. why dun somebody knock me wth something hard now. and i suffer from head injury and bcome some idiot or nijit? sigh, i really feel i am crumbling.

fell in love at17:39

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