Thursday, April 06, 2006
exhausted. reallyy.
i dont understand my mumm seriously. i wondered even if shes really my mum. no this is not out of a moment after some heated argument wth pangs of anger. but i really donknow her. seems like last year ms ko and ms rona alwaiz say i am prejudiced against her. which acc to them is very not like me cus i will alwaiz be the first one to seek to understand. am i really prejudiced? no i dont think so. wellz they say no mum wun love their own child. well for my case at least, i dont discredit this, but i dont believe it either. i am just becoming more like dad to prevent clashing wth her. yet, even like that she isnt happy. cus i am quiet. wdh right. i am sick of conversing wth her ever since two years back cus it will somehow always make me tired and depressed. have no idea why she is forever complaining and prattling on everything about me from top to toe. abt all my committments and every other single thing.
was clearing out my stuff. and found this whole stack of card i accumulated. yups mostly thankyou cards from so many people! this is really something that drives me in life man. which is something mum will never understand also. dussen limit to redcross only. she complains about the rest also. i guess she dussen have this thing called humility at all. to her i am just an object she can boast about. so much for character education since young ahs. what good role model. shes always the one that never keeps her word. want all my time. well. i am not an object of hers.
volunteering has alwaiz been something close to my heart and it will always be part of my life. but somehow she never understands that. i remb how she threaten not to pay my hp bills, not to give me allowance if i just spend my free time volunteering. but so wad. hehs. i survived. paying my own bills. so she was making freaking load of noise abt my hp bill again. cus got new line and at first she offered to pay. so going back her word as usual again. fine lorh. pay myself. i rather pay myself to even give in to all her stupid requests which practically makes no sense at all. yeah so she threaten not to pay loads of things before. but so what. i survived. somehow i realise i paid for my own piano fees before. own exam fees a thousand together wth my fees at one go. hp bill for like 2years. all my medical fees when i am sick so there is no way i am not going to survive this. and she is forever comparing me wth my bro. yeah my bro is a guai kia dat forever ish mummy's boy. i really cant stand her. she knows plainly tat i wun ask dad for money because hes quite tight in terms of finance wth the car and stuff. this is not called bitching lorh. i dont believe she dussen deserve this man. somehow she never realises that everything that she did this two years just make herself more pissed and lose respect in my eyes only.
but wells. still. gotta thank her. in a sense, it was she who made me so independent. it was she who forced me to save money. hahah when i was young, no other means to get money mah.. besides saving. it was she who forced me to think logically on my own feet. which may be good or bad. cus i dont listen to e elders most of e times.. believe i know what is best for me. somehow sometimes i do think back. if dad and mum really divorce then, life might be very different now. hehe. i guess this is life. (:
fell in love at19:41
