Sunday, April 01, 2007
whee. back to my weekly post again! hope everyone missed me~!
had training, core modules, linkamania meeting, commserve, met arynna, met wanling, awards and promo. maths and econs tutorial. HAHA. feel so accomplished this week.
except for the fact that i didnt complete my chem tutorial yet hai. cant be helped since i dont even understand my content. really have to concentrate on my subjects liaos. i cant be pure lucky
at least i think so far it's cus of pure lucky at every chem test. when the next i.e. fourth test come along, i am gonna flunk if i dont start catching up now. and this goes the same to physics i suppose. just that physics i am already starting to flunk right from the start.
but yet this week again passed with mixed feelings. i feel joyful. pressurised. upset. lost.
feel joyful cus of the people around me. really really thankful for every one aroundd.
pressurised cus of nationals. i am kind of on a see-saw where i am not quite good at balancing it. someone the message where "NATS IS IN JULY" keep sinking in to me, running about in my brain, conotating that i have to train hard and improve myself and not let the team down. and at the same time, i want to do A, i want to do B.
which seems seriously impossibleupset cus of somethings. but guessed it is not good to say here. since the people involved may read it here. lost cus i dont know what to do.
i dont want to be emotionally dependent of you. yet it seems that i am going to you whenever i need to talk.awards and promo just passed. and i saw mrs deb tan again. makes me recall what mrs chan once said to me, "the purpose of life is to go through and enjoy these ups and downs" really wonder how is she doing now after retirement. sighh sometimes being a deep thinker is really not too goodd. because the excessive thinking just kills your brain cells and leave you with even more questions than ever. ://
anyway. got this from denise's blog and i think it is SUPER accurate. it can just sums up all the feelings i didnt specify above.
You are constantly hoping that your good fellowship and attitude and your 'love for your fellow man (or women)' will give you peace of mind. You need people - people around you to care for you and to show you that they care. It is this hope that keeps you going, the hope that makes you the type of person that indeed you are. Your own need for approval seemingly makes you always ready to help others and in exchange you seek love, warmth and understanding. You will always listen to others and you are open to new ideas which hopefully will prove fruitful and interesting.
You are finding the present situation extremely demanding and you're having difficulty coping with it. A great deal of strain is involved and you would really like everyone and everything to leave you alone for a while, just so that you can put everything into perspective.You are feeling under considerable pressure and you are being forced to make concessions. You are not particularly happy with this state of affairs but you feel that you have no alternative. If you were to force issues you would be left out or completely ignored by one and all.
The stress and tension that you are experiencing at this time is perhaps due to your inability to achieve security and appreciation from those closest to you. This is resulting in considerable pressures. You find the situation as it stands most frustrating. You are the sort of person that would like to experience all and everything very intensely but unfortunately you are not receiving the warmth and understanding that you feel you are entitled to. Matters are not going too well. You seek a sympathetic ear but it is not forthcoming. This situation is extremely nerve-racking - and what is more humiliating is that no-one seems to care and you are powerless to do anything about it.
Matters are not all that they would appear to be and you are critical of the existing conditions which you feel are confused and disorganised. You are therefore looking for a modus operendi which will simplify the situation so that you will be able to see the 'trees in the woods'.
and at the same time. i recieve this from a good friend. thankyou,hy. for always somehow knowing how i feel.
She jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room. She said: "How is my little boy? Is he going to be all right? When can I see him?" The surgeon said, "I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn't make it."
Sally said, "Why do little children get cancer? Doesn't God care any more? Where were you, God, when my son needed you?"The surgeon asked, "Would you like some time alone with your son? One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the university."Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good bye to her son. She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair. "Would you like a lock of his hair?" the nurse asked.Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally.The mother said, "It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the University for Study. He said it might help somebody else. "I said no at first, but Jimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after I die. Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his Mom." She went on, "My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always wanting to help others if he could."Sally walked out of Children's Mercy Hospital for the last time, after spending most of the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy's belongings on the seat beside her in the car.The drive home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty house. She carried Jimmy's belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son's room.She started placing the model cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them. She laid down across his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep.It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Laying beside her on the bed was a folded letter. The letter said:"Dear Mom, I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say "I Love You". I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day. Someday we will see each other again. Until then,if you want to adopt a little boy so you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room and old stuff to play with. But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things us boys do. You'll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know. Don't be sad thinking about me. This really is a neat place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. The angels are so cool. I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn't look like any of his pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus himself took me to see GOD! And guess what, Mom? I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important. That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good bye and everything. But I already knew that wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom? God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter. I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you. God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him 'Where was He when I needed him?' "God said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children. Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool? I have to give God His pen back now. He needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life... Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm sure the food will be great. Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore. The cancer is all gone. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery! How about that?
Signed with Love from God, Jesus & Me.
i missed my bro.
fell in love at21:28
